Lol I bet there are no readers left,but I guess that is fine,I just want to vent in a way I guess.
Lol after a very very long break,I have decided to start posting again.I dont exactly know why I stopped posting.probably because I am lethargic and easily tired lol.Yeah I am guesssing I am that weak physically as shown during my recent Napfa test.I failed 4 out of 6 stations.
For a long time,I always considered myself a mentally strong person.Just that even so,sometimes I do break down,and its extremely frustrating when people dont notice or think that I do not need help.
If you are wondering what breaks me down,its simply the future.As the current state now,I am unsure of my future.I have the burden of taking care of the family after NS so I can just throw away what ever notions I have to want to go to a university.I am poor too soo....
Another thing is I am tired of being alone.Just so tired....tired of getting drowned out or ignored.
Short post for now,but will update for sure
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Begin's night
What...i am only left with 1 reader........
Okay in any case I am going to talk about something that has been at the back of my mind for a while.
Why dont I have a large circle of friends?I am not an anti-social 0_o
I myself is unsure of this.As they say to have good friends,you need to be a good friend yourself.But I have been good to others,for most part ^^.I dunno its just strange.I do want to have fun and stuff.
Maybe in real life I just dont know what to say sometimes that it comes across as something else.
Its nothing big,just that went compared to others who are socially active,you question these things.
Recently I found out that zero-ey and Cheraliyn got great results for their O-levels(damm buggers say their results suck when it totally pawns mine - -,havnt got into contact with faithy yet)and I guess a sense of proudness came about?lol.Its great to see their on their way to something.Its even more interesting to look back at how it all started.
Zero-ey and Faithy were the remaining people from SG(not singapore lol) that still talks to me and I have met atleast once in real life(that was ages ago). Come to think of it all of the people I knew from SG all dissappeared from my msn contact list.Faithy from then has become a great cosplayer and zero-ey...well still sends me cards which I keep and keep forgetting to send a thank you one back ^^;;
Cheraliyn I met through the mage manga class.She's nice and alittle spontaneous?lol.She's really good at drawing than I was(I even lost to a kid....seriously) and I reckoned she be even better now.Since then she been messing around with music and I guess she will get good one day(Just dont play moe songs/korean songs).I havnt meet her since then which was....idk 3 years ago?
I reckon they all must be even more interesting people by now.I also reckon even if I walk pass them on the street,I be unable to recognize them(esp faithy,I be running from her ^^;;).
As you grow older,I guess certain things you come to see in different light naturally.Like responsibilities or the future.I was forced to mature earlier on in my life so thats why I am making it up by being childish nowadays?^^
Now I have to say that I am sick of heaving korean songs.Not that i find it bad particularly,its just that I hear it at home,I hear it in the bus,I hear it in school,I hear it at home when I get back and I hear it when I sleep.
''- -''
Its funny that almost no one,I mean no one(I know anyway) listen to good music.I know its subjective but a song created as a hook will be stuck in your head but has no message or purpose what so ever.
For the record,the only songs I hate are songs from animes that has cute voices and sing about love or whatever and etc.It makes me go bat-shit insane - -;;.
One amazing singer I have recently come across is Aya Kamiki.I got to know her songs through Kamen rider Double(she sang the opening) and she is pretty amazing.She has done several english covers as well.She has been liken to avril lavigne but thats on surface wise.She's infact alot more crazier(has different hair color each time)and her videos feel very real.Not the ones that give your mind an acid trip or rely on sexy themes or skippy clothing.Just song,stage presence and her band and maybe theme to reinforce the song.
I cant say much since I next to nothing about music.
If I ever have a girlfriend(which I dunno I would) and she's trying to be moe,I will personally perform a lobotomy..- -;;
Okay in any case I am going to talk about something that has been at the back of my mind for a while.
Why dont I have a large circle of friends?I am not an anti-social 0_o
I myself is unsure of this.As they say to have good friends,you need to be a good friend yourself.But I have been good to others,for most part ^^.I dunno its just strange.I do want to have fun and stuff.
Maybe in real life I just dont know what to say sometimes that it comes across as something else.
Its nothing big,just that went compared to others who are socially active,you question these things.
Recently I found out that zero-ey and Cheraliyn got great results for their O-levels(damm buggers say their results suck when it totally pawns mine - -,havnt got into contact with faithy yet)and I guess a sense of proudness came about?lol.Its great to see their on their way to something.Its even more interesting to look back at how it all started.
Zero-ey and Faithy were the remaining people from SG(not singapore lol) that still talks to me and I have met atleast once in real life(that was ages ago). Come to think of it all of the people I knew from SG all dissappeared from my msn contact list.Faithy from then has become a great cosplayer and zero-ey...well still sends me cards which I keep and keep forgetting to send a thank you one back ^^;;
Cheraliyn I met through the mage manga class.She's nice and alittle spontaneous?lol.She's really good at drawing than I was(I even lost to a kid....seriously) and I reckoned she be even better now.Since then she been messing around with music and I guess she will get good one day(Just dont play moe songs/korean songs).I havnt meet her since then which was....idk 3 years ago?
I reckon they all must be even more interesting people by now.I also reckon even if I walk pass them on the street,I be unable to recognize them(esp faithy,I be running from her ^^;;).
As you grow older,I guess certain things you come to see in different light naturally.Like responsibilities or the future.I was forced to mature earlier on in my life so thats why I am making it up by being childish nowadays?^^
Now I have to say that I am sick of heaving korean songs.Not that i find it bad particularly,its just that I hear it at home,I hear it in the bus,I hear it in school,I hear it at home when I get back and I hear it when I sleep.
''- -''
Its funny that almost no one,I mean no one(I know anyway) listen to good music.I know its subjective but a song created as a hook will be stuck in your head but has no message or purpose what so ever.
For the record,the only songs I hate are songs from animes that has cute voices and sing about love or whatever and etc.It makes me go bat-shit insane - -;;.
One amazing singer I have recently come across is Aya Kamiki.I got to know her songs through Kamen rider Double(she sang the opening) and she is pretty amazing.She has done several english covers as well.She has been liken to avril lavigne but thats on surface wise.She's infact alot more crazier(has different hair color each time)and her videos feel very real.Not the ones that give your mind an acid trip or rely on sexy themes or skippy clothing.Just song,stage presence and her band and maybe theme to reinforce the song.
I cant say much since I next to nothing about music.
If I ever have a girlfriend(which I dunno I would) and she's trying to be moe,I will personally perform a lobotomy..- -;;
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Finally
I havnt updated in over a month because
Starhub cut my internet - -;;.Yeah SCV bills were piling up and they combined both bills into one.Apparently if you dont pay one,you cant get the other
So for over a month during my holidays,i was very very bored at home and forced to leech sucky wireless connection from some guy.
Finally got it back through subscribing to MIO,singtel.
And i guess I lost all my readers..T_T
School has started for me and there is an uneasy feeling.Because it was block teaching,there is no way to know block A's subject results until the end of the whole semester.Not that I know I failed or anything,just that probably my GPA drop lower...- -;;.I am predicting somewhere a flat 2.0
As it turns out most from my course is probably doomed according to some teacher as we all cant program to save ourselves and do not dream to even try modeling etc.Yeah it was the truth,but the way he said it was in a way promoting his course is better and your's just suck.
To me I guess there is a small flaw in the way my course is taught.The first 2 years should just be intense programming as most of us is able to code,just that we need more practice and examples to properly code.
Ah well,here's to my doomed future
Starhub cut my internet - -;;.Yeah SCV bills were piling up and they combined both bills into one.Apparently if you dont pay one,you cant get the other
So for over a month during my holidays,i was very very bored at home and forced to leech sucky wireless connection from some guy.
Finally got it back through subscribing to MIO,singtel.
And i guess I lost all my readers..T_T
School has started for me and there is an uneasy feeling.Because it was block teaching,there is no way to know block A's subject results until the end of the whole semester.Not that I know I failed or anything,just that probably my GPA drop lower...- -;;.I am predicting somewhere a flat 2.0
As it turns out most from my course is probably doomed according to some teacher as we all cant program to save ourselves and do not dream to even try modeling etc.Yeah it was the truth,but the way he said it was in a way promoting his course is better and your's just suck.
To me I guess there is a small flaw in the way my course is taught.The first 2 years should just be intense programming as most of us is able to code,just that we need more practice and examples to properly code.
Ah well,here's to my doomed future
Monday, November 16, 2009
This dance we call life
I havnt been updating because since the start of school,its been hectic and tiring..well mostly tiring and I been busy trying out some games here and there.
Oh yeah,the O level must be over for most and the time between now and the next step in your life,well savour it since you wont know when is the next time where you can actually not think about your life or future lol.
Its been hectic because its block learning.Its basically instead of learning 4 subjects at once for 6 months,its 2/3 per 3 months.It may sound and look good on paper but,learning is accelerated and assignment deadlines are way too close.I have submitted the first assignment for game AI and I am fearing the random partner that I will get for the second assignment. I am no code genius and chances are i would take a while. I dont expect to be partnered with a genius, just that a guy who knows more or less more than me ^^;;. I sure hope i dont get one among the dammed 4 though lol.
I been sleeping outside as my sister and her kid came over again.This time under circumstances she fought with her husband again,over i dont know what and yeah the usual"lest divorce etc".This time however it got alittle more out of hand as the husband came at night a few days later and demand to take his kid. My father and him were like tigers and I had to bring the kid inside.The husband proceeded to kick the gate several times making a big scene and mess up my mother's laundry outside.My sister finally called her in -laws to come down and the police too.They later went back home.A week or so the husband called up to meet down stairs and I am pretty sure my sister is thinking of going back.My parents leave it up to her but strongly advise against it,since he obviously has no respect for my parents.
For me well,Its her choice.This wasnt the first time the husband pulled the kick the gate stunt.Back when my sister was dating him,he did the same thing when they fought. On another ocassion my mother fought with him underneath the void deck and even a taxi driver uncle join in since I was abit too scrawny in case anything happens lol.
I think its best to actually know the person before committing.All this notion about love on first sight is b.s to me - -;;
I am still sleeping outside since akeel sometimes roll around,a sign he wants milk lol.And I got to go make it.Aside from that when the mother goes to work,I am sleep beside him since I usually go to school alot later.And he usually wakes up pretty early.He likes to play though lol.One task I dont enjoy is when he poo poos lol(I cant think of a better phrase XD).
Like I once told my mother,our life is like a long drama serial.
Like I told my younger sister why our life is so drama,"Its because its in our blood"
Oh yeah,the O level must be over for most and the time between now and the next step in your life,well savour it since you wont know when is the next time where you can actually not think about your life or future lol.
Its been hectic because its block learning.Its basically instead of learning 4 subjects at once for 6 months,its 2/3 per 3 months.It may sound and look good on paper but,learning is accelerated and assignment deadlines are way too close.I have submitted the first assignment for game AI and I am fearing the random partner that I will get for the second assignment. I am no code genius and chances are i would take a while. I dont expect to be partnered with a genius, just that a guy who knows more or less more than me ^^;;. I sure hope i dont get one among the dammed 4 though lol.
I been sleeping outside as my sister and her kid came over again.This time under circumstances she fought with her husband again,over i dont know what and yeah the usual"lest divorce etc".This time however it got alittle more out of hand as the husband came at night a few days later and demand to take his kid. My father and him were like tigers and I had to bring the kid inside.The husband proceeded to kick the gate several times making a big scene and mess up my mother's laundry outside.My sister finally called her in -laws to come down and the police too.They later went back home.A week or so the husband called up to meet down stairs and I am pretty sure my sister is thinking of going back.My parents leave it up to her but strongly advise against it,since he obviously has no respect for my parents.
For me well,Its her choice.This wasnt the first time the husband pulled the kick the gate stunt.Back when my sister was dating him,he did the same thing when they fought. On another ocassion my mother fought with him underneath the void deck and even a taxi driver uncle join in since I was abit too scrawny in case anything happens lol.
I think its best to actually know the person before committing.All this notion about love on first sight is b.s to me - -;;
I am still sleeping outside since akeel sometimes roll around,a sign he wants milk lol.And I got to go make it.Aside from that when the mother goes to work,I am sleep beside him since I usually go to school alot later.And he usually wakes up pretty early.He likes to play though lol.One task I dont enjoy is when he poo poos lol(I cant think of a better phrase XD).
Like I once told my mother,our life is like a long drama serial.
Like I told my younger sister why our life is so drama,"Its because its in our blood"
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Holidays
Let me tell you,holidays with nothing to do is extremely boring and mind wasting.
And now i have absolutely no idea when my school actually starts cause no one knows and havnt received any email bout that.
Recently my elder sister and her son stayed over for a week cause she had a fight her her husband so she takes refuge at my father's house.And I got to say,it was a pretty fun week with her son.I mean I have played with him once or twice but never for such a period of time.He's seriously growing up and recently turned 1 year old.The bad thing is,he has grown teeth and is still growing teeth which explains why he goes around biting people.He's very active to the point even I am tired going after him sometimes.He likes to touch and grab things which he ends up biting.So got look out for what he puts in his mouth.He also has keen eyesight..- -;;,in which he may find cookie crumbles or etc on the floor.One of his habits is that when its milk time,got to make it fast as he will cry if you give it to him slow.I ended up making most of his milks and carrying him when he was to be carried.Not that I mind,but he has gained weight.
And yeah my elder sister eventually had to go back to her husband's place and had to say goodbye.Its sad cause of the bond you had formed with him and him being a small child,may not even remember it.
As I said before,Its amazing seeing a child grow and discover things for himself.Its almost like watching yourself back when you where that small.
Last week i think,my secondary school friends asked me out for a hari raya outing.I was fine with it until she mentioned this line which I decided to make a stupid excuse to not go.It was
"bella and her bf will be driving etc etc etc"
Okay to keep you up to speed,I used to liked bella but over time it turned to hate.
The stupid excuse I made?
I had Hands,Foot and Mouth diseases.
Syam laughed his head off when i told him.I didnt want to go also because syam or hermi or atleast Naz wasnt there either.I needed a buffer or friend so that i dont get bored.
I guess I dont make a very good friend huh?People rarely remembers me when they have outings,or my birthday.Sure they talk,but it just ends there.There is no real exchange or the feeling they have your back sort of thing.
Honestly I been looking for a friend ever since I lost my good friends back in primary school.The only one I can truly call a friend during secondary school was Syam while during ITE was Jufree.I guess its because we went through alot and in that process I believe.Dont get me wrong,I dont demand alot.Just that when we talk,there is a sense of the person knows you.And you can virtually can talk bout anything.
Found out about Ueta Aya.Amazing stuff.
Been watching Russell Peters,he is amazing.MIND BLASTING.
And now i have absolutely no idea when my school actually starts cause no one knows and havnt received any email bout that.
Recently my elder sister and her son stayed over for a week cause she had a fight her her husband so she takes refuge at my father's house.And I got to say,it was a pretty fun week with her son.I mean I have played with him once or twice but never for such a period of time.He's seriously growing up and recently turned 1 year old.The bad thing is,he has grown teeth and is still growing teeth which explains why he goes around biting people.He's very active to the point even I am tired going after him sometimes.He likes to touch and grab things which he ends up biting.So got look out for what he puts in his mouth.He also has keen eyesight..- -;;,in which he may find cookie crumbles or etc on the floor.One of his habits is that when its milk time,got to make it fast as he will cry if you give it to him slow.I ended up making most of his milks and carrying him when he was to be carried.Not that I mind,but he has gained weight.
And yeah my elder sister eventually had to go back to her husband's place and had to say goodbye.Its sad cause of the bond you had formed with him and him being a small child,may not even remember it.
As I said before,Its amazing seeing a child grow and discover things for himself.Its almost like watching yourself back when you where that small.
Last week i think,my secondary school friends asked me out for a hari raya outing.I was fine with it until she mentioned this line which I decided to make a stupid excuse to not go.It was
"bella and her bf will be driving etc etc etc"
Okay to keep you up to speed,I used to liked bella but over time it turned to hate.
The stupid excuse I made?
I had Hands,Foot and Mouth diseases.
Syam laughed his head off when i told him.I didnt want to go also because syam or hermi or atleast Naz wasnt there either.I needed a buffer or friend so that i dont get bored.
I guess I dont make a very good friend huh?People rarely remembers me when they have outings,or my birthday.Sure they talk,but it just ends there.There is no real exchange or the feeling they have your back sort of thing.
Honestly I been looking for a friend ever since I lost my good friends back in primary school.The only one I can truly call a friend during secondary school was Syam while during ITE was Jufree.I guess its because we went through alot and in that process I believe.Dont get me wrong,I dont demand alot.Just that when we talk,there is a sense of the person knows you.And you can virtually can talk bout anything.
Found out about Ueta Aya.Amazing stuff.
Been watching Russell Peters,he is amazing.MIND BLASTING.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Festivities
Hari raya came and fortunate enough I didnt have to go to malaysia,did go a few days before that. In any case its the standard fare of forgiving and stuff and my family visited 3 houses and thats it.
Primarily because
1) my faternal grandmother passed away this year and so I now no longer have grandparents to visit
2) My mother side,my mother have a cold war with them so not visiting their houses.
Although its a season for forgiviness etc,humans being humans its not always easy to forgive someone because of either hate or anger or the heart not fully satiated.No amount of religious sermons or people talking or begging will turn it around.Only when time has healed the heart only it will be ready.The only question is,will it heal in time before the person draws his or her last breath.
I guess thats why being a parent is the toughest job in the world.
My nephew,Akeel has now learn how to walk,although he walks similar to chucky,its pretty cute to see.Its amazing thats hes already going to be 1 year old soon
In any case,the money i got from visiting house,I bought inFamous.Been playing it for awhile as EVIL as thats how I am and gonna replay it as good later as evil and good has different powers with minor differance in story.
Oh and in the end I didnt go to GCA.Surprised that Zero-ey didnt go either so I cant see pictures...- -;;...Karei hasnt been on so I cant see anything.
Primarily because
1) my faternal grandmother passed away this year and so I now no longer have grandparents to visit
2) My mother side,my mother have a cold war with them so not visiting their houses.
Although its a season for forgiviness etc,humans being humans its not always easy to forgive someone because of either hate or anger or the heart not fully satiated.No amount of religious sermons or people talking or begging will turn it around.Only when time has healed the heart only it will be ready.The only question is,will it heal in time before the person draws his or her last breath.
I guess thats why being a parent is the toughest job in the world.
My nephew,Akeel has now learn how to walk,although he walks similar to chucky,its pretty cute to see.Its amazing thats hes already going to be 1 year old soon
In any case,the money i got from visiting house,I bought inFamous.Been playing it for awhile as EVIL as thats how I am and gonna replay it as good later as evil and good has different powers with minor differance in story.
Oh and in the end I didnt go to GCA.Surprised that Zero-ey didnt go either so I cant see pictures...- -;;...Karei hasnt been on so I cant see anything.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Potential Calamity
It seems that I made a slight miscalculation or rather unaware on when exactly Hari Raya was suppose to be on.Because its usually a month and it started on august 22,I assumed it ends on September 22,but no..- -;;
For some reason its on the 20 of September,which since my parents is again gone emo this year,are planning to go to malaysia to i dun know do what there cause since its MALAYSIA and its HARI RAYA most shops are closed so....- -;; Its also the same date GCA is held(seriously,these guys set the most "great" dates.) I didnt become last year's and this year's usher because I am fasting and I am the lazy. So before hand I may or not be able to go to GCA so I gotta say sorry to karei cause i sort of wanted to see her there..- -;;.
On another note,my nephew had high fever and had to go to hospital for a while.I dont know much of the developments as its late at night.
Another thing that well bothers me is how frequently my father gets into these anger phases. Do your fathers get angry for no apparent reason or the reason is unknown to you and he doesnt spell it out for you?
Its becoming increasingly frequent recently. He normally gets angry when
1)my mother wakes up late,thats also cause my mother has insommia
2)over sensitive issues like beliefs and friends
3)reasons beyong my understanding
Dont get me wrong,he's a great guy,just that he is highly impatient to the point of unreasonable sometimes and like most guys,we think we are always in the right even when wrong.I still feel though he's still angry at me for still not getting the driver license.
And now we go to the driver license issue.
After I turned 18 and passed my Basic theory and Final theory tests,my father reccomended me a private instructor that he found for me.At the same time i also found one that my friend kenneth was learning under.Trusting that my father knows better,I went with his.
This uncle assured me confirm pass etc,plus he picked me up near my house.I learned under him for about half a year i think and it was about a week before the driving test.I never entered the circuit(training and test area) before so its natural I would feel alittle dioriented and lost.But the uncle keep railing at me instead of helping me out so my performance went down from there.
The next day I stayed positive but again,it was too hard for me to take in under 2 days with the test being tomorrow.So I didnt take the test in the end and didnt engage that instructor again.This same instructor also allowed me to make a mistake on purpose to vent his frustration.
My father nagged at my mother who nagged at me to go learn driving again after about 6 months.I took the instructor kenneth gave me.
This time it was alot different as alot of the mistakes that werent adderessed when i learnt under the first instructor,became apparent with the second one.Weeks go by and now I am 20,and I still have difficulty.I feel as if I am stuck in a rut as I feel that I am not improving at all.When I feel stressed,I make mistakes and forget things,and leaving me to do it on my own just adds on more mistakes.
So an alternative would be maybe to go learn under a driving school,since its more systematic but it costs alot more ard $70.I been meaning to bring up this subject but I have no idea how to bring about it cause contrary to what you might think,my family isnt rich.
So i dont know....kinda lost.At the moment I havnt booked any future lessons.Maybe the first instructor was right, I am the worst
For some reason its on the 20 of September,which since my parents is again gone emo this year,are planning to go to malaysia to i dun know do what there cause since its MALAYSIA and its HARI RAYA most shops are closed so....- -;; Its also the same date GCA is held(seriously,these guys set the most "great" dates.) I didnt become last year's and this year's usher because I am fasting and I am the lazy. So before hand I may or not be able to go to GCA so I gotta say sorry to karei cause i sort of wanted to see her there..- -;;.
On another note,my nephew had high fever and had to go to hospital for a while.I dont know much of the developments as its late at night.
Another thing that well bothers me is how frequently my father gets into these anger phases. Do your fathers get angry for no apparent reason or the reason is unknown to you and he doesnt spell it out for you?
Its becoming increasingly frequent recently. He normally gets angry when
1)my mother wakes up late,thats also cause my mother has insommia
2)over sensitive issues like beliefs and friends
3)reasons beyong my understanding
Dont get me wrong,he's a great guy,just that he is highly impatient to the point of unreasonable sometimes and like most guys,we think we are always in the right even when wrong.I still feel though he's still angry at me for still not getting the driver license.
And now we go to the driver license issue.
After I turned 18 and passed my Basic theory and Final theory tests,my father reccomended me a private instructor that he found for me.At the same time i also found one that my friend kenneth was learning under.Trusting that my father knows better,I went with his.
This uncle assured me confirm pass etc,plus he picked me up near my house.I learned under him for about half a year i think and it was about a week before the driving test.I never entered the circuit(training and test area) before so its natural I would feel alittle dioriented and lost.But the uncle keep railing at me instead of helping me out so my performance went down from there.
The next day I stayed positive but again,it was too hard for me to take in under 2 days with the test being tomorrow.So I didnt take the test in the end and didnt engage that instructor again.This same instructor also allowed me to make a mistake on purpose to vent his frustration.
My father nagged at my mother who nagged at me to go learn driving again after about 6 months.I took the instructor kenneth gave me.
This time it was alot different as alot of the mistakes that werent adderessed when i learnt under the first instructor,became apparent with the second one.Weeks go by and now I am 20,and I still have difficulty.I feel as if I am stuck in a rut as I feel that I am not improving at all.When I feel stressed,I make mistakes and forget things,and leaving me to do it on my own just adds on more mistakes.
So an alternative would be maybe to go learn under a driving school,since its more systematic but it costs alot more ard $70.I been meaning to bring up this subject but I have no idea how to bring about it cause contrary to what you might think,my family isnt rich.
So i dont know....kinda lost.At the moment I havnt booked any future lessons.Maybe the first instructor was right, I am the worst
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